Leaders and Conversation-Making

An Antidote to Isolation

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By Karise Hutchinson and Christine Gilland Robinson

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The subject of this letter was initiated by a recent work meeting experienced by Karise…

It was the mandatory committee meeting, which has been online (like most meetings) since the pandemic. This time our manager invited us to have the meeting in-person over lunch in the work restaurant. We were all under pressure - too much to do and too little time (the usual story). But nevertheless, we all made the ‘meeting’. The main items on the agenda were discussed as we waited for lunch to arrive and then before we knew it, we were happily swimming in a much wider personal conversation well beyond the usual necessary exchange of communication.

In the unfolding conversation, we rode waves of laughter (a funny family story shared), grief (the shock of realising a colleague had recently lost a close loved one and we missed it), and amazement (discovering an unexpected talent within the team). One hour later, saying goodbye to one another, we all remarked on the unexpected joy experienced and our manager committed to organising the same conversational format for the next meeting. After all, we did get the work done.

The same meeting, agenda, and team. Why the different experience and outcome? This question led us to revisit some existing leadership communication models and consider the latest research on connection in the workplace.

The question quickly became a quest for Illuminaire - could the very old but very human ‘art of conversation’ be an antidote to the isolation experienced by so many leaders and their teams today? Read on to discover what we have found so far…

Communication at the heart of leadership

Communication forms the building blocks that determine how we understand our world, motivates others to achieve common goals, and forms the cultures we inhabit (Liu et al. 2023). The research evidence is compelling – communication affects the outcomes of families, friendships, organisations, and even countries. It is important that leaders understand communication is not a one-dimensional construct confined to voice or written word. As Liu and her colleagues go on to explain, it is:

multidimensional and involves subtle textual signals, forms of imagery, physical (embodied) signals, from body language to clothing choice to micro-facial expressions, to aural signals (volume, pitch, tonal variation).

There is no theory or practice of leadership for which communication is not foundational. A greater emphasis on relational and collective leadership models in recent years has marked a shift away from leadership as an attribute possessed by an individual to understanding that leadership happens when people participate in collaborative forms of thought and action. Research such as Wilfred Drath’s DAC’s theoretical framework and Oxford University’s Ego to Eco study, all point directly to the centrality of communicative practice in leadership.

But the pace of digital transformation creates an abundance of information and a plethora of communication methods; so the question is, has technology helped or hindered leaders in their communication?

Hyperconnection leads to disconnection

The digital network is now society’s primary formational environment – it profoundly shapes the opinions, values, and worldviews of most humans on this planet, as well as being the literal ‘space’ we occupy for much of our day. Communication in this hyperconnected world via technological devices and platforms should have, in theory, yielded greater relational connection between humans. But as Mark Sayers explains in A Non-Anxious Presence, the great irony is that a more connected world is also a more conflicted world, which in turn creates a more anxious world.

The fact is, technology has worked to both reduce and to widen the divide between humans. Since the early part of the 21st century, studies have consistently shown the direct correlation between smart phone usage and increased loneliness and anxiety. Most poignant is the impact upon young millennials and Gen Z (those born after 1997) - the world’s future leaders, categorised not only as the loneliest generational cohort alive, but possibly the loneliest generation in all of history (New Statesman, 2024).

Why so? In a digital landscape, communication tends to be more about transmitting information than promoting human connection. As Olivia Laing wrote for the Guardian, the Internet offers us contact, but not necessarily connection. The opportunity to reach friends and family and do work across the globe has wonderful benefits, but proximity doesn’t always promote connection. As Laing writes, the cure for loneliness is not being looked at, but being “seen and accepted as a whole person” and the digital world rarely offers us the opportunity to do this.

Loneliness in the workplace – what is missing?

Loneliness in the workplace is a significant issue - both in terms of the organisational costs of absenteeism and staff turnover, as well as the societal costs associated with healthcare and mental health concerns. A recent Gallup poll reported that one in five employees worldwide are lonely (read the Harvard Business Review article here).

While it would be easy to point to remote working as the problem, the data on feelings of isolation in the workplace is more nuanced. According to researchers Hadley and Wright, organisations must take more responsibility for the isolationist culture that much modern work engenders and meet the challenge of isolation head-on.

What is most striking in their list of recommendations is the primacy of conversation in helping leaders identify those who are lonely and bring them into community. They argue conversation is the bedrock of connection where trust is built - the sense a leader ‘has your back’ by noticing small needs and knowing what is going on in your world reaps significant rewards in terms of commitment, quality of work and outcomes for individuals and teams in organisations.

From communication to conversation-making

Kathryn Ann Gaines, in her research thesis, presents a communicative framework of leadership that underlines the social practice of leadership constituted through language and communication. She describes the communication at the heart of leadership practice as expressed in facilitating the discovery of collective interests, prioritising and reconciling differences, deciding collaboratively how to pursue and develop interests, building commitment and inspiring motivation, and taking action to secure the resources and capabilities for pursuing those interests.

None of what Gaines presents in her research can be realised by sending an email, digital message or online call. Too many meetings are convened by leaders with the purpose to cascade information – expecting others to believe communication and understanding has happened. In a hyperconnected world with disconnected human relationships, the need for human-centred leadership and dynamic inter-personal conversation is greater than ever. Yet there is a great awareness that leadership conversations are far from easy – they involve humans which means dancing with emotions, differences, and unpredictable behaviour. Where should a leader start?

In their research study published by Harvard Business Review, Boris Groysberg and Michael Slind identified conversation-making as a skill that can be practiced and honed overtime. They give insight into how leaders and organisations can facilitate effective conversations in the memorable form of four ‘I’s:

• Intimate – people will listen and respond to communication that involves mental or emotional proximity, which doesn’t have to involve physical proximity

• Interactive – leaders must shun the simplicity of monologue and embrace the unpredictable vitality of dialogue with others

• Inclusive – leaders must focus on the role of people at all levels in generating the content that makes up an organisation’s story

• Intentional – much like a personal conversation, if it’s truly rich and rewarding, leaders will keep it open but not aimless, remembering there is always a purpose

Continuing the conversation

This letter marks some of the early discoveries and possibilities of bringing back the art of conversation and putting it front and centre to effective leadership practice in the workplace. We believe the future belongs to leaders who are conversation-makers – leaders with the courage to make instead of fix, able to have the conversations that defy the isolation of the grey zone and draw others into connection and creative possibilities.

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Reflection questions

As a leader how and where do you dialogue (not monologue) with your team?

What is your organisation currently ‘talking’ about? How do you know?

What is your conversational mindset: do you hide, declare war or ‘make’ conversation?

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Want to read more?

Alison Brooks and Leslie John (2018) The Surprising Power of Questions, Harvard Business Review: https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-surprising-power-of-questions?tpcc=orgsocial_edit

Wilfrid Drath (2001) The deep blue sea: Rethinking the source of leadership. San Francisco: Jossey Bass: https://www.wiley.com/en-us/The+Deep+Blue+Sea%3A+Rethinking+the+Source+of+Leadership+-p-9780787949327

Kathryn Gaines (2007) A Communicative Theory of Leadership Practice: https://aura.antioch.edu/etds/654

Boris Groysberg and Michael Slind (2012) Leadership Is a Conversation, Harvard Business Review: https://hbr.org/2012/06/leadership-is-a-conversation

Jonathan Haidt (2024), The Anxious Generation, Penguin Books: https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/456971/the-anxious-generation-by-haidt-jonathan/9781802063271

Evita Huaiching Liu, Cassandra Chambers, Celia Moore (2023) Fifty years of research on leader communication: What we know and where we are going, The Leadership Quarterly, 34: https://spiral.imperial.ac.uk/handle/10044/1/106597

Mark Sayers (2022) A Non-Anxious Presence, Moody Publishers

Jon Stokes and Sue Dopson (2020) From Ego to Eco: Leadership for the Fourth Industrial Revolution, Oxford University

Sean Tucker (2021) The Meaning In the Making. Rooky Nook